Everybody asks me how I'm feeling these days. I'm hard pressed to come up with answers beyond the usual “Fine” which may not be true and certainly doesn’t reveal the fuller picture.
How am I feeling?
- like I'm 7 months pregnant
- ready to have the full use of my body back
- like I have a 12 lb bowling ball attached to the front of my lower torso
- at the moment, I have carpal tunnel, mid-back pain and my sciatic nerve is giving me grief, but other than that, just tired
It’s hard to know how to answer inquiring friends and family.
Here's the lowdown: I'm 31 weeks along and counting down the weeks until I hit #37 and I can start praying for an early delivery. There is not a single comfortable position anymore. Laying down, sitting up, walking -- all of them have their aches and pains. I'm tired all the time and yet, I don't sleep well. Bending is no picnic either; I can barely put my socks on at this point.
On the positive side, Riley’s still moving a lot and getting his exercise. My midwife told me this morning that he’s now head-down and bum-up. Let’s hope he stays that way for his upcoming trip down the canal. We play this little game of him poking me and me nudging him back in the same spot. On some corny level, it feels like we’re communicating.
I enjoy his hiccups, they make me smile.
Emotionally, I'm excited to meet my little boy and get to know him. I wonder who he will most resemble in looks and personality and what our life as a family of three will be like. I wonder if he'll be musical, athletic, artistic, outgoing, a book-lover or if he'll be as addicted to mountain biking as his father is. I dream about days at the beach with him and taking him out in the jogging stroller as I get my exercise. I can't wait to take him to Acadia for hikes in the
At the same time there's this sense of homesickness that comes and goes as I see the (seemingly easy) childless life I've known slip away. Normally, my love of new and different things allows me to feel almost complete excitement as I enter a new stage of life -- this time it's tempered with some fear and trembling. I know that I'll be challenged to sacrifice myself in a way I've never have before and that this will be the most demanding (and rewarding) job that I could be given. I'm not afraid of it; I just know that I'll need God's help on a constant basis in light of my weakness.
2 comments:
The one thing that had the biggest culture-shock factor for Cathy and me upon adopting our Lucy was the loss of the carefree, DINK lifestyle. We knew intellectually it was coming, but it was really hard on us the first few months to know that we simply could not go back to the freedoms we used to enjoy. Nobody prepared us for that.
However, now I look back on those times and I wonder why I used all that free time in such loser-like ways and am sort of appalled at how selfishly I used it.
I'm certainly no fan of, say, having to get up twice in the night to put sheets in the wash after your kid barfs all over them (not that I've done that in the last 24 hours or anything...) -- and I certainly cherish the time alone that I do get (as an introvert) -- but those sacrifices you make as a parent are definitely not one-sided. You get a lot in return, even more than you give up. It's a good deal all around.
Hi Bob-Bert! thanks for your insights. I'm probably a little too-aware of those loss of freedoms and yet have no idea of all the joys that await with having children. I can only imagine a handful of them -- not being in that situation yet.
I'm optimistic that the ambivalence will lessen considerably as this new life becomes "normal" for me!
(I had some of the same reservations of the loss of "shelby-time" when I got married and that turned out to be needless concern. I miss having J around when he's not here!)
Bonzo
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