ferocious as a lion

Dad to be finally checks in…

Fatherhood is almost here. For an emotional guy like me this brings up a lot of stuff.

First, I’m really excited. I’ve wanted to be a dad for a really long time now. I think about holding Riley, feeding him, watching him grow and hit all the milestones a kid does and there’s a whole lot of joy in my heart. I look forward to teaching him, playing with him and dragging him around with us everywhere we go. (I can’t wait to drag his trailer along behind my bike!) I’ve been having totally new thoughts come into my head as I’m out and about. For example, I’m out riding my mountain bike and I see ducks in a pond. I think about how I can’t wait to show Riley the ducks and see him get excited about this new and wonderful thing. First time I’ve ever gotten excited about ducks that I can remember.

The whole process of Shelby’s pregnancy has been amazing to me. Even with all the knowledge I have about pregnancy from a more scientific basis, I can’t escape the miracle that the development of a child is. It is so amazing to me that a part of me joined with a part of Shelby and now there is a new person growing within her. It’s kind of funny, but every time I look at that big beautiful tummy of hers I feel my love for her deepen. The whole concept of the “one flesh” that the bible talks about has become so much more real to me. The bonding that takes place between two people during a pregnancy is so much more full than anything else that I’ve experienced. Every day is a new lesson in why God created men and women to be in pairs.

One of the most amazing things I’ve experienced is the love that I already feel for Riley. David Wilcox characterizes it as “ferocious as a lion.” Boy is that right on. I can only guess at how that love will grow once I’ve actually held him in my hands. Look out; I think my heart is going to burst…

The next thing that comes up is what I would characterize as “fear and trembling.” It’s terrifying to think that I’m going to be responsible for this person. Not only just for providing a roof, food and clothing (scary enough, but doable.) The scariest part is raising him and not screwing him up. I want Riley to feel loved. That means so much more to me than just some mushy emotion. I want him to feel that his home is rock solid. I want him to know that his parents love each other and for him to have confidence in our relationship. I want him to have solid boundaries and to learn right from wrong. I want him to have a safe home and a family that he is happy to be part of. More than anything else I desire for him to come to know the God and Savior that I have come to know and love so much. The fear and trembling that comes with this last piece is the worst part. I know that I need to trust God. It’s my guess that my faith will be stretched and strengthened here more than in any other way. I’ve heard it said that on your knees is the best place to be. I think I’ll be spending plenty of time there.

So with Riley perhaps only a few days from being born, I’m seeing all the blessings laid before me. So much preparation has gone into becoming ready for this addition to the family. I feel like I did in the last months before Shelby and I were married. Full of anticipation…and wanting to get on with it!

On that note, I’ll leave you with the lyrics to David Wilcox’ song Great Big World. It brings a tear to my eye every time (no surprise there, right Sweetie?)

Jonathan

Great Big World:
(David Wilcox and Pierce Pettis)

I'm more tired than you
As I reach down to tuck you into bed
I've got to find your bear and the tiger
That sleep beside your head

This love that I feel is ferocious as a lion
So brave and so gentle that I almost feel like crying

It's a great big world
It's a great big moon
It's a great big sky
And a great big love for you

Then I tell you a story of a lion who's your best friend
He gets you into trouble but he brings you home safe in the end
Some day all these stories may come to life as true
When a child of your own can wake that lion in you

It's a great big world
It's a great big moon
It's a great big sky
And a great big love for you

It's a great big world
It's a great big moon
It's a great big sky
And a great big love