Well, the dim hope that I might go into labor and avoid a C-section is fading fast. It’s looking like sometime after 9am tomorrow, we will be seeing our sweet Kendall in the flesh. Though I’m not excited about having major abdominal surgery, I will feel better knowing that Kendall’s not going to experience the same labor trauma that Riley did.
I’ve been feeling something like homesickness as I realize that life is about to change dramatically again. While I know children change your life and I wasn’t surprised by this with Riley, I think I’m less emotionally prepared for the changes that come with having another child to love and care for.
I don't have the same attachment to Kendall-in-the-womb as I had with Riley. Maybe it’s due to being more distracted this time around. Maybe it’s simply the fact that I've had almost three years already to know my son. All I know is that I feel a more ambivalent about the changes coming tomorrow.
I think this is a normal thing that parents experience. When you think you just don’t have room in your heart for another child, your heart just seems to expand and make room for them anyway. I suspect this will happen for me when I hold my baby girl for the first time – that 20 ton sledgehammer of love that J describes will hit me with Kendall too. How can it not, she being flesh of my flesh?
One of the neat things that we've been seeing is Riley's spontaneous affection. He gives me kisses and hugs without my asking and enjoys snuggling with me on the couch as we play or watch TV. Even with our one-sided conversations, I can tell that he’s understanding me and attempting to communicate to the best of his ability. I cherish the afternoons and weekends that we have playing, teaching and learning together and watching him grow and develop. I feel very blessed and lucky to be his mom.
And it turns out that he does have some of my traits after all. His focus, his sense of order and symmetry all come from his mama with the penchant for detail & organization. After mastering all of his puzzles, he has begun playing more with his Lego Duplo set. He designs letters, builds houses and makes some cool patterns of various colors and sizes that are perfectly symmetrical. He makes a treehouse in which he enacts the scene from Veggie Tales’ Madame Blueberry in which her house get tossed out of the tree into a parking lot after it’s emptied of all the stuff she thought would make her happy. This sends him into convulsive laughter, which is infectious and absolutely adorable. Man, I love this kid.
All this to say, I find myself mourning the loss of our Riley-Mama time. I know that I’ll still have those sweet moments, just more infrequent and shorter in duration. It almost feels a bit like seeing him begin a new stage of life and my having to adapt to it. It feels like the end of an era of sorts.
So please keep J and I in your prayers as we prepare for Kendall’s birth day tomorrow morning. Pray for successful surgery tomorrow morning and for Kendall’s health. Pray for Riley as he adapts to his baby sister and for my mom who will be doing the care-giving during my time at Beverly Hospital (4 days). We welcome visitors for those that are in the area.
We’ll be posting pics and news from the hospital on Facebook and then here, so please stay tuned!
Love,
Shelby and Jonathan
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
thots on the last day of pregnancy
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5 comments:
You guys are in our prayers as you head toward this special day.
Some unsolicited feedback (this is a blog, right?):
+ Harrison came via C-section. The whole thing was over with in a shockingly short amount of time. But Cathy's recovery from the surgery took a while. Be prepared to have people help you with lifting, going up and down stairs, etc. This can be hard when there are kids around who are used to being picked up by Mama or snuggling with Mama.
+ Also, you don't need to be told this, but try to keep yourself as rested and healthy as possible during the first weeks after the delivery, because one thing we learned after Harry is that bronchitis + C-section = suck.
+ What's cool about multiple kids is that they are all so distinct in their personalities. I mourned the loss of time for Lucy when Penny came, but in time I came to enjoy more the differences in their personalities and especially the ways they interacted with each other. Then when Harry came, I mourned the loss of time with my girls, but now I enjoy looking at all three of them at once and seeing how they rub off on each other. You lose some things when you have more than one child but it's a net win.
I'll be praying for you guys, Shelby...especially you and Kendall. Luke was C-section; I had a crazy quick recovery. Know that you can ask for Kendall to be brought right up to you, ask for a lower dose of meds so you won't have arms too numb to hold her, all sorts of things. I'd just encourage you to ask if any of those things are important to you.
And I've got a sneaking suspicion that when Kendall is in your arms, not only will you fall passionately in love with her, but I bet you'll find you love your Riley (man, what a great kid he is!) even more, because he's not only your boy but also your baby's big brother. Kind of like you discover how much more it is possible to love your husband when you see him in his role as a dad. I didn't think it was possible to love Geoff any more (the most wonderful man in the whole world!) until I saw him cradling Luke. And then I felt like the Grinch, whose heart "grew three sizes that day." So I bet your intuition is right, and that when she's finally here (tomorrow!) your heart will suddenly be three times bigger (x1 for Kendall herself, x2 for the Riley-boy as big brother, and x3 for Jonathan as he falls in love with his baby girl).
I'm asking God to give you the same swift recovery and gentle, competent care I received, and that Kendall's arrival will be safe and peaceful and full of joy.
Whoooops! I forgot that you had the C-section with Riley...I hope I didn't come off as talking down to you!
Not that I remember you complaining about your earlier C-section, but I expect it makes sense that a planned one vs. an emergency would be a lot easier to deal with.
Thanks Robert and Melissa... thanks for the words of encouragement as we stand on the brink of this major change. Unlike Cathy, I recovered very quickly from my last C-section -- my hubby says I just simply heal fast from things. I also was walking around more than usual since Riley had be transferred to Children's on day 2. So due to my daily visits, I was getting that blood circulating more and I remember going off meds within 4-5 days, I was feeling so much better by then.
I am excited to hear that I can nurse Kendall in the recovery room this time. With Riley, I had to wait 24 hrs due to all my grogginess the first day.
Well, time for bed as I have a big day tomorrow. Thanks again for the prayers and kind words!
I am curious to know how you feel now as the mama of two. I definitely went through a mourning of losing solo time with Cece. I still feel like I need to be better about scheduling time with just she and I.
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