heartache…and then hope

Our day started today with finding out that Riley had another spell of decreased oxygenation during his 6:30 am feeding. We felt pretty discouraged by that and the prospect of one more day with our son in the hospital. Not the news we were hoping for. Each day seems to be more stressful and painful. With the prospect of my going back to work tomorrow it gets even tougher for me.

Shelby went in to Winchester early today so that she could get some concentrated mommy time in with our boy, as well as get more breast feeds in today. Riley’s been doing great with breast feeding. It’s interesting that the only time he’s had his “spells” as they call them has been when he has been feeding with a bottle. It gives us more confidence about feeding him at home since he’s going to mainly be a breast-fed kid.

I went to church today for the first time since before Riley’s birth. It was great to be able to worship. Especially to praise and thank God for my wife and my son. It was also heart wrenching. There are a whole bunch of newborns in the church right now, and every one of them (but Riley) was in church today. It was really tough having those empty spots in the pew next to me. It just seemed wrong. It was one of the only times in my adult life that I have wanted to get out of church as quickly as I could at the end. I have a built in need for my family just as I have the built in need to worship my Creator. So I was off to Winchester.

It’s amazing to me how fast the time goes when I’m with Shelby and Riley. I’ve always enjoyed just hanging with my wife, but that seems to be amplified now that we have our son. Something to do with that twenty ton sledgehammer of love that hit me I bet… We had the curtain they use to give privacy closed today and it felt more like a family space (even with the nurses popping in and out).

We’ve been working with a nurse named Nancy for the last three days who is another one of the really great people we’ve been blessed with. She’s been a great help with breast feeding and she’s already taken care of the lion’s share of the paperwork that will need to be done for Riley’s release. We’re hoping that bodes well. Which leads to our daily discussion with the doctor on duty today.

Five O’clock came and the doctor on duty for the day shift came by to discuss Riley’s case. His opinion is that the spells Riley has had are probably not something that will keep him in the hospital. The final say is up to Dr. McAlmon who is the doctor on duty during the day tomorrow. We’ve already been told that Dr. McAlmon is not quite as uptight about these things, and that the chances are good that she’ll discharge Riley. We’re a little wary of getting our hopes up too much, but it is nice to have the possibility that he’ll be coming home tomorrow. Especially since going in to the day we figured it would be no earlier than Tuesday. The other hopeful bit is that as we left today Riley was having his O2 levels checked in his car seat. They do this for 90 min. to make sure babies are safe to travel. He looked good as we were walking out. We can only hope.

So a day which started out painful leaves us with some hope. It’s great to have it as it tempers the high emotional level we’ve been on a little. Tonight we’re hopeful tomorrow will be homecoming day.

I’m looking forward to being woken up in the middle of the night to change Riley’s diaper and get him fed. Bring on normality.

We love our boy!

Jonathan